Saw my first Groundhog out and about this week.
He was on the move and looking all around, quite a cutie from a distance!
The movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray is particularly clever and uncomfortably humorous. As humans, we are prone to easily get stuck in living the same day over and over again. Doing the same thing over and over again, unconsciously creating a complacent and monotonous existence.
I was recently helping a client who was feeling this groundhog effect, specifically with his struggle to end a behavior that he has been doing for many many years. He wakes up each morning going through the day doing the same thing even though he also has a gnawing heaviness pushing him to live differently. He is stuck in the routine of what his life has become and he is fearful of the unknowns on the road ahead.
Intellectually, he has had enough transformative experiences in our work together that he knows life will be better once he makes this change. And yet, he’s really struggling to commit to making the change because as with any long standing relationship he has feelings, emotions, memories and needs tied up in the behavior.
As it is with most people when they are struggling to “change” in some way, they are fearful of what life will be like afterwards and whether or not they will be equipped to handle life without the thing they have been relying on to help them. Most people are not consciously aware of this fear as it is hidden deep within us.
If you feel a heaviness or sense of suppression in your life, it is the main sign that there is a behavior, person or circumstance in your life that needs to be redefined in order for you to allow the highest version of yourself the space to grow.
I like to think about my attachments to certain things in the context of a relationship, it makes the dynamics easier to navigate for me. When you see yourself in partnership with a behavior you are doing, let’s use drinking alcohol or over drinking as the behavior you are trying to change, (Swap out your own personal struggle – a person, food, sex, spending money, overworking, staying in a soul sucking job, dissatisfaction just to name a few.) Over time, you create a relationship with said behavior/person and the effects that it has on you. Whether it is to be more social, relax, sleep, speak more honestly or to escape your current reality. It is a relationship that benefits you and fulfills a need that you have. Otherwise you wouldn’t be in the “relationship.”
And so when you run into unwanted consequences with this behavior and you want to stop doing it, it is not as easy as you would want because you have developed a “partnership” with it.
So, just as with any relationship when you recognize it is impacting you in some unhealthy ways, you need to redefine the terms or break up altogether. The following is my formula for doing so.
First, honor the ways in which the relationship has helped you, has supported you, has helped you through hard times when you couldn’t do it yourself or has helped you be more of yourself when you felt too insecure and self conscious to do it alone. Then talk it through to explain why the relationship can’t continue the way it has been because it is preventing you from growing into a higher version of yourself. Allow yourself to experience the feelings that would come if you were separating or changing up any relationship. Most people experience sadness when they separate even if the change is good so allow yourself the freedom to recognize these feelings. And the feelings of fear of the future and whether or not you will be able to handle the difficulties of life without the “relationship.” Then, communicate clear expectations and boundaries for how you will engage with this “relationship” moving forward.
And then, take the leap.
This is my formula for transformation which will help you transition and change any relationship you are in that is currently not working and needs to be redefined. It is the formula for liberation. It is the path to letting go and releasing.
Remember, the highest version of yourself is waiting for you on the other side of this transition. Make the decision to leap and practice faith that you will reap the rewards of following the wisdom of your inner voice that is guiding you to make this change.
If you’re struggling to make a change, it just means you need some help. There’s no need for shaming or judging yourself, you just need some help redefining it. There’s a block that you have inside of yourself and you can’t undo the block alone. We are created to be in partnership with others as the mechanism for reaching our highest potential.
Find someone who can support you and help you see the block and remove it. Your higher version of you is waiting on your liberation!